I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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