Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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