i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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