I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
