You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
