he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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