about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
