is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
