I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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