Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Randomize
