I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
