talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
