roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
