Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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