She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
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I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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