Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
