I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
