by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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