Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
