Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
