would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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