Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
