I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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