It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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