I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
