This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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