I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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