Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
