I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
