I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
