If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
