at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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