the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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