I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
nutella sex= disaster
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
