so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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