I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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