Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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