i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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