i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
