i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
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I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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