i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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