That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
