Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
