i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
