I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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