So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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