eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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