Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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