fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize