omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Come share oat with me in your robe
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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