I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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