I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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