Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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