Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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