He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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