he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
