I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
