Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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