Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
