I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
