Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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