Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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