you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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