Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
