And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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