Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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