Betty ford says i'm here all night
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
