Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
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We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
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I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize