Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
