Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize