Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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