Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just blew my weed a kiss
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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