I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
