If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
