Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
