My brain says no but my pants say off.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
